TCC Welcome’s Back The Loved Ones Series
The Counseling Center is proud to offer The Loved Ones Group, every Tuesday, 6:00pm, at the Day One Center 2nd Floor (816 4th Street Portsmouth OH 45662).
“Somebody’s got to do something.”
Words that ring familiar to current Chairman of the Board and then CEO of TCC, Ed Hughes. Those close to Ed in the mid-2000’s saw there was a problem; a gap in knowledge and understanding of the disease concept of addiction and how individuals got better through treatment and recovery. Those words were his cue – he was up in trying to assist people in navigating the infancy of the opioid epidemic, in regards to their family dynamic.
The Counseling Center started the Loved Ones group shortly after. Initially, the agency planned a 6 to 8 week series as a free service in the community, and as Ed puts it, “Next thing you know, we were 6-8 years in.”
In the first few years, Loved Ones saw great success. Meetings were well attended, the series was filmed and put on DVD and YouTube, and groups began to spring up all over the tri-state utilizing the video to disseminate the information. At one point, there were about a dozen groups holding regular community based meetings.
Unfortunately, the group lost some steam and at one point was dormant in the TCC service line. However, in August of 2021, the agency was able to organize and relaunch the series for live meetings.
Loved Ones is a series focused on friends and family of individuals with substance use disorders. The group aims to provide education and facilitate discussions with participants to spread knowledge about addiction, treatment, and recovery, while building support among the group members. Loved Ones is a free service, with no enrollment process that is open to any interested community member.
If you are interested in learning more, please come see us on Tuesdays at Day One, check out “10 Ways Loved Ones Can Help” and read the testimonial of a participating mother (all included below).
10 Ways Loved Ones Can Help
The pain and suffering of addiction is not limited to the person abusing substances. Loved Ones share a tremendous burden as well. The disease twists the Loved One’s love, concern, and a willingness to be helpful into a host of enabling behaviors that only help to perpetuate the disease of addiction. The disease will fervently resist a Loved One’s effort to stop enabling, but this is a necessary hurdle if a Loved One wants to be truly helpful.
Below is a list of 10 ways loved ones can help. These should be approached separately as individual goals, and we are here to provide support as these changes are made.
- LEARN THE FACTS
Realizing that addiction is a progressive disease will help family members accept their loved one as a “sick person” rather than a “bad person.”
- ALLOW CONSEQUENCES
Rescuing the addicted person from his/her consequences only ensures that more must occur before the need for recovery is realized. Adverse effects provide the necessary motivation to initiate recovery efforts.
- NO FINANCIAL SUPPORT
Money is the lifeblood of addiction. Even when given with the best intentions, it enables the person with the addiction to avoid the natural and necessary consequences of the disease.
- DON’T LOOK FOR UNDERLYING CAUSES
It is a waste of time and energy and usually ends up with some form of blame focused on the family or others.
- DON’T MAKE IDLE THREATS
Remember, “Actions speak louder than words.” Threats are as meaningless as the promises made by the addicted person.
- DON’T EXTRACT PROMISES
Remember, “Actions speak louder than words.” Threats are as meaningless as the promises made by the addicted person.
- DON’T PREACH OR LECTURE
A sick person is not motivated to take positive action through guilt or intimidation. Unfortunately, “talking someone into” getting sober doesn’t work.
- AVOID REACTIONS OF PITY AND ANGER
Nothing can cause anger and pity quite like watching a loved one suffer. These familiar emotions can be all-encompassing and can easily take over your life while misdirected towards this sick individual. Take positive steps to analyze and bring back into perspective your feelings.
- DON’T ACCOMMODATE THE DISEASE
As the disease progresses within the family, the family will unknowingly accommodate its presence. Locking up money and valuables, not inviting guests, and adjusting your schedule to be home more are all examples of accommodation.
- FOCUS ON YOUR OWN LIFE & RESPONISBILITES
Identify areas of your life you have neglected to focus on the addicted loved one. Focusing on personal areas of one’s life is empowering and helpful to all concerned.
An Open Letter, from Mom.
“I am one of thousands. I am the mother of an addict.
I saw the signs: the changes of her appearance unkempt, the color of her skin, weight loss, above all the behaviors and personality changes, and I put a name to all of it. Anxiety, depression, even cancer. But I was helplessly watching her through the eyes of a mother in denial. After all, she was raised right. That was always someone else’s kid not mine!
After countless rehabs and jail the mother in me had to make it better for her. Out of a sense of guilt that I had failed as a mother, I provided what she wanted and needed and I had to take care of my child. I watched in helpless disbelief my daughter’s decline. I tried shaming, anger, and reminders of her children, jail, rehabs. No effect. No change. A helpless cycle that we were caught in my sleepless nights became frequent. My stomach in knots with every phone call.
My other daughter and granddaughter told me about Loved Ones and urged me to attend a meeting. I put them off, but they were relentless! I agreed to attend one meeting to satisfy them.
One of my first meetings I realized that drugs have no social barrier and I was not alone. One meeting turned into many and with each one I learned something new. I learned the many questions I had asked myself for so long actually had answers. I have learned the steps of addiction were all my daughter, and they are all the same. My kid, your kid, your loved one, the steps are all the same kind, like one size fits all. It does!
The drug invades the very part of the brain that controls what the body needs to survive as sure as food and water, it becomes more than just a high. A need that tells the addict that everything else is irrelevant including children, family and friends.
Loved Ones has given me the tools I need to help my daughter. Loved Ones helped me to understand what I need to do, what needs to be done to hopefully save her. I will not love my child to death.”
